I’m not really a massive fan of the use of ‘memes’, I have to say. I mean, occasionally I’ve gone on to one of those ‘meme generator’ things to send someone an email, but I don’t really do it on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s because it takes me more than thirty seconds to source the one I want.

But if I was a meme generator kind of guy, yesterday I’d have sourced myself some sort of man holding his hands up with palms facing vertically, with the words ‘Woah, woah, woah. Will everybody calm the eff down’, to describe the explosion of discussion brought about by the HIguain/Giroud swap deal. Honestly, one dodgy sounding radio stations says something in a country for which a lot of us don’t speak the language, and Arsenal Twitter hits overdrive.

It’s hard not to get too excited at the prospect that somebody knows something and that the wheels are finally seeming to be in motion, but as I have previously talked about only a week ago, the fanciful nature of this story is just what it is: fantasy. Arsenal won’t leave themselves out of pocket by £40million-odd, without an additional player to show for it. And Radio Kiss Kiss don’t know anything. Even if they did, the closest you could suggest is that the club have briefed somebody to stir this rumour, to try to raise interest in the player from multiple teams. Napoli have a striker at his peak who won’t renew his contract, so they need to get maximum return for him, so they probably are briefing agents and media of his availability and pushing rumours out to encourage teams to enter in to a bidding war. If that’s the case, they clearly should be looking at other clubs, because Arsenal don’t do bidding wars. In fact, we run a mile at them. Just look at Mkhitaryan at United. We supposedly were interested, but United came in and showed a cartoon of Ducktales and told Henrik that Scrooge McDuck could be him if he played for them, so we put our hands in our pockets, turned around and walked away whistling as if we’d never heard of him.

So anyway, Higuain ain’t happening, unless Napoli get desperate and can’t find a buyer and know that this window is the one in which they’d make most cash, so my gut feel is that the only way we’re getting the Argentinian at our price is if we wait until right at the end of the window and see if Napoli blink.

I don’t want that. You don’t want that. So I just pray that Arsenal make a decision one way or another, because right now we’re going in to the start of the season with an out-of-form Theo up top as our only real option. We could do with getting on with our business. Like, now.

The other bit of what I’m hoping is nonsense, is that Bayern are supposedly interested in Koscielny, which I find a bit odd given they’ve just signed Hummels. Koscielny was France’s best defender. He is 30. So why would he go to Bayern to be a squad player, because the Germans will play the two German centre halves first and foremost and our Frenchman probably would be Vermaelen’d in to third spot. It doesn’t make sense, unless the stories about the one year on Koscielny’s contract are true. But I was under the assumption that he had two years – I’m pretty sure I saw something about this a couple of months back – so if this is just the press getting their facts wrong, then it would make me a little bit happier. I also think there’d be a little bit more noise that would have already come out before today if he did have just one year left, so I’m going to file this particular rumour under ‘balderdash’ I think.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I think Chambers should be given a shot at centre half. When he’s given a run of gams, I think he will prove his value, and not in defensive midfield or as a right back. He’s a centre half. He looks like one, he plays like one, so Arsene should use him as one. If he was to go out on loan for a season, or be sold, I’d be willing to put some decent cash on the table to bet he’d be in the England squad and near a first team slot. I rate him that highly. I just hope Arsene does too.

Righto, off to the garden, to sit in it and read Marvel graphic novels. Peace out.