Howdy Thursday, where have you been? I’ve been expecting you earlier than this, but no matter now, you’re here and that’s all that we need worry about. Of course no offence, but you’re not Friday or Saturday, which are better days it has to be said.

In the U.K. It’s Election Day. Snap election at that and to say I’m a little weary on all of this choosing malarkey is an understatement. It’s all a bit, well, ‘meh’ to be honest. You’ve got the red team promising to save everyone’s souls if they can just get in and ‘SPEND! SPEND! SPEND!’ on one side, then on the other side you’ve got the blue team who aren’t really saying anything other than a patronising metaphorical tap on the head and a “it’s alright. Don’t you worry. We’ll sort EVERYTHING out. We won’t tell you how, but we will, so there.” 

It’s all rather a load of old b*llocks really. 

Bit like the transfer window though, I suppose, so I guess I could be thankful that at least there’s been some other distraction from the fact that the football media are in full on bullsh*t mode right now.

If you’ll believe that lot of charalatans then you’ll believe anything. I think we’re up to about his number twelve on Kylian Mbappe. We’ve hit £150million, one of Stan’s ranches, a statue of the Prince of Monaco outside the Emirates, 557 Cheedar Cheese wheels, the full Hobbit and Lord of The Rings trilogy (extended version on blu ray), an evening meal with Ivan Gazidis and a dozen of those extra soft blankets they give to people in the directors box. I reckon that might just sway them you know. I await eagerly Monaco’s announcement that they’ve reached an agreement.

Clearly Arsène has been told that he’s not having anything to do with the money any more and Ivan is going mental like Michael Jackson in that Martin Bashir interview back in 2003. 

I want that one, and that one, and that one over there…

Of course Arsène being the power hungry man that he is can’t let go of control, which is why he’s saying that Arsenal are working in “dark and invisible” ways. Jebus Arsène, I didn’t know that you’d become so disenchanted with the price of players, that you and Ivan are now going around France abducting footballers. That’s a worrying sign my friend.

Still, as Liverpool have proven, tapping up of footballers is a taboo right now so you’ve got to try every trick in the book.

Seriously though, surely Liverpool’s admission of guilt warrants even furth investigation. They’ve essentially held their hands up and send in a thick scouse accent “it’s a fair cop mate, we have tried to unsettle a player through back channels. But we’re sorry so we’ll just be on our way, alright?”. You’d think the authorities might be saying “erm…no, afraid not”, but Liverpool – like Arsenal, United, Chelski and City, are the big players – so I’ll be stunned if they get anything other than another slap on the wrist and a nominal fine.

Of course no club is innocent as we know, but the fact that Liverpool got caught and then owned up to it is jokes in the extreme.

Back to the Arsenal world and David Ospina played last night, making a howler against Spain prompt a few people to make some flippant remarks about the fact that Fenerbahce are being ripped off for £3million when they get him next week.

They’re not.

They’re getting an Arsenal summer clear out bargain. Ospina is a very good number two, has had some good games in an Arsenal shirt and if we had somebody who knew how to play hardball in our backroom staff, would probably be on his way for closely to £8-£10million, which is probably nearer his market value. I don’t know what it is about us, but I don’t think we’ve got a market value or above price on players we’ve sold for over a decade. Fabregas was well under priced, so was Henry and the fact that van Persie went for £22million having scored a shedload of Premier League goals, was an absolute crime. 

When we come round to selling players we really aren’t very good. 

It does lead me to question the Szczesny noise though. Why on earth Arsenal would let Ospina and Szczesny go and leave only a 35 year old Petr Cech as our ‘keeper is a little beyond me. But then again it is Arsenal and we seem incapable of doing the ruthless thing when it comes to players. Personally I’d give both the Colombian and the Polish stopper a ‘best out of five’ game of rock, paper, scissors, to determine who goes to play regular football next season and who stays to challenge Cech. It’s the only fair, logical and scientifically proven method.

There’s a few other bits and bobs about Lemina, Mahrez, Rodriguez, Bellerin, etc, but it’s all just recycled stuff with a slightly different spin, so I can’t be arsed to go in to the details. 

Instead, I think about how different my life will be tomorrow when a new government is in place and instantly make everyone’s lives 17% better.

Or not.