Here cometh another match day, only this one is a little weirder than they usually are, on account of the outcome of tonight’s game meaning LITERALLY nothing to anybody involved in Eindhoven.

An Arsenal win keeps us top with 15 points. They stay on eight points and if Lens beat Sevilla at home then they still finish second because of the head-to-head rule, because they won at home to Lens and drew 1-1 away.

A PSV win keeps them second on 11 points, with us currently on 12, so we still top the group.

A draw puts us on 13 points, PSV on nine and both teams STILL finish the group in their respective positions.

Goal difference is irrelevant because of these permutations, but even if it wasn’t we’ve got a +14 differential compared to the next best team, which is PSV.

Therefore, tonight’s game is the most dead rubber of dead rubbers you will ever see in the Champions League and, as a result of that, I think we should all be tempering our expectation of this game going down as an all time classic. If fact, I hope it is the complete opposite tonight, with both teams playing at half pace a la The Disgrace of Gijon in the 80s between Germany and Austrian. If there are any first team players out there, I want them at walking pace, with a distinct air of:

“you have the ball”

“Oh no old chap. I must insist that it is, in fact, your term to have a go with it”

“Well if you insist. Do you might if I carry the ball to the penalty box, before lumping a long ball back to my goalie?”

“I think that’s a marvellous idea”

Seriously, if Arteta isn’t having a word with the PSV coach pre game and saying “no slide tackles, right?” then I think he’s mad. And the PSV boss will be mad too. They’ve got AZ Alkmaar on Sunday, who are third in the league and I know they have a massive buffer in their league (They’re 10 points clear having won all 15 games so far this season), but imagine if they lost one of their key players ahead of a game like that? They’d be kicking themselves.

We have the same problem; we’ve got two massive games coming up with Brighton at home on Sunday followed by Liverpool away the following Saturday, so if any of our main guys are out there tonight I think there will be a few of us wringing our hands for fear of a wrong twist or injury. So for me that means no Saka, Martinelli, Jesus or Odegaard for sure. WE don’t need to see them wheeled out and we certainly don’t need to increase the probability for a knock given all of the football that’s already been played in recent weeks. There’s just no need and when you also think that PSV are in a similar situation, there’s no need for them either.

I get it though, you can’t realistically go full Gijon because UEFA would probably charge both teams with bringing the game in to disrepute because of the lack of integrity if both teams went that far, but there must be a way of everyone just getting through it tonight, right? Treat it like a pre season fitness friendly. In the summer we give players minutes in their legs so they can get up to speed. Well now is a perfect opportunity for us to do that with players who haven’t played a lot of football. We have a few in our first team who haven’t been given many minutes recently and getting them on the ball, to get the match fitness ticking along, just in case they are needed in the coming weeks, makes perfect sense to me. So in my mind that means a team a little like this tonight:

Ramsdale

Walters   –   Saliba   –   Kiwior   –   Cedric

Elneny

Jorginho   –   Trossard

Nwaneri   –   Nketiah   –   Nelson

Smith Rowe returned to training yesterday – or at least he was pictured – and so I’d stick him on the plane, but I’m not sure if he’s even on it, let alone fit to get even a five or ten minute cameo, so we’ll have to wait and see on that one. It’s probably a little too soon for him which is unfortunate, because you’d expect him to potentially slot in there and move Trossard further forward if he was fit. As you can see I’ve gone for Saliba, but that’s only because I’m not sure who else we have at centre-half who would be able to make the squad. So perhaps there’s a chance to swap Gabriel and Saliba so they get a half each, keep them in third gear, then just see out the evening with no big tackles or over stretching.

There have been some noises about Walters and his contract in the last 48 hours, so what better time than to give him a go at right back and given Cedric has played at left back before, we might as well save Zinchenko’s legs and put the Portuguese full-back in there. The only thing that might scupper my predicted line up is by having two of the kids playing on the same side; Nwaneri came on last season as a right winger for the last five minutes against Brentford, but to have him and Walters both take up the responsibility of that right hand side on a Champions League night – however much of a dead rubber it is – feels a little too much for me. Perhaps there is an opportunity to play Nelson on that right hand side, but I think that means Trossard moves to left wing and we need to find somebody to play in that midfield instead of Nwaneri. That would probably mean bringing in a Havertz or Odegaard and if it was Kai I think I’d be ok with it. He’s a young lad, doesn’t seem to have picked up any knocks this season like Odegaard has and it gives us a little more attacking threat. He’s also in form too, so having him rock up to try to build on that good form doesn’t sound like a bad idea to me at all.

Arteta had his presser yesterday and I didn’t really touch on it, but the fact they seemed to have a whole segment about him sharing rooms with certain players whilst he was at Barca suggests to me that they all kind of felt like they needed to do a bit of filler time with the manager, so I don’t think I’ll delve too deeply into what he said today. Instead I will just count down the hours until the team is announced and cross everything that he rotates hard and deep.

Catch you all tomorrow.